Self-Care is not Selfish!
June 2009
Self-care isn't about weird diets or intense, exercise routines. It's about respecting yourself. Self is not selfish. When we take care of ourselves we are better able to help others. Without self-care we are unbalanced, tired, moody and often meeting everyone else's needs but our own. We lose ourselves and are susceptible to illness if we give until we have nothing left. Having a self-care routine that involves sleeping and eating well, exercising and healthy boundaries will allow you to feel strong, confident, resilient, creative and more productive.
If you feel guilty saying no to others, take care of your family's needs before your own or work so much you never say yes to you, here are some tips to make yourself a priority:
When Guilt is Good - Guilt can be a useful emotion if:
1.) You've hurt or disappointed someone. Alleviate your feelings of guilt by correcting things with this person the very next time you see them
2.) You're feeling guilty about not doing something (i.e. eating/exercise/sleep/saying no). It's possible you haven't fully "bought in" to the idea that this is the best approach for you. Your guilt or resistance may be telling you to choose something that you wholeheartedly believe in.
When Guilt is Bad - Guilt drains your energy when:
1.) You have unrealistically high expectations - Whether it's more work to do or the endless list of to-do's at home, no one can "do it all." Having unrealistic expectations causes us to be hard on ourselves (guilt) or others (judgment). Accepting ourselves where we are at now and setting reasonable expectations for ourselves is the most effective starting point for self-improvement.
2.) You are not meeting others' expectations - Saying yes to ourselves and our self-care often means saying no to people, events and situations in our life which can anger or disappoint. Don't take other's reactions personally and let them create guilty feelings. If necessary, make amends, apologize & offer a makeup.
3.) You think you don't have a choice - Unfortunately when guilt comes up, many of us choose to do nothing, wallowing in guilt and letting it torment us. You can choose what to do when guilt comes up:
- Re-valuate what you're doing
- Make amends if you truly believe you were wrong
- Affirm to yourself that your self-care matters and your guilt isn't serving you
- Challenge Your Thoughts - "Is what I'm thinking really true?"
- Reframe - Name what you are doing well
Question Your Self-Talk - We've been programmed to believe that we must put everyone else's wants, needs and desires ahead of our own or we'll suffer a horrible fate. Ask yourself "What's the worst that could happen if I say no to this?" Usually, the worst never happens. Ask yourself, "What's the likely outcome here if I say no?"
Support and Encourage Others - As you establish healthier routines for yourself, practice affirming and encouraging others to do the same.
When it comes to establishing healthy self-care routines, remember:
Plan Your Exercise - Schedule exercise into your daily calendar. Don't leave it to mood or circumstance. Even five minutes is better than nothing. Start with small steps and build on that.
Eat well - Plan ahead and have a scheduled time for grocery shopping, meals and snacks. Fight your natural inclination to let these tasks slide. Disregard the inner voice that says grab junk food on the run. Make a routine out of preparing meals for work, eating breakfast every morning and having a mid-afternoon snack. Reduce your sugars, grains and starches to keep your blood sugar levels low to reduce inflammation and disease. Check out my staple of healthy foods. Your energy will increase from eating well.
Get 7-8 hours sleep per night - When we are rested, our immune systems are stronger, we are less irritable, stress hormones are decreased and our body can repair and heal.
Practice Saying No - If setting boundaries is hard for you, practice saying no 3x each day to various requests. Notice the reactions you get and don't take them personally. Enjoy the feeling of empowerment that comes from saying no and realizing everything is still ok!
Food for Thought:
- Pick one thing this week you can do for yourself that will leave you feeling more energized and proud.
- Self-love ... is not so vile a sin as self-neglecting." - William Shakespeare
Contact Andrea to see how coaching can help you manage your mindset and your self-care so it can become a daily routine. You will be inspired and successful. See how others have made Wellness Coaching work for them. Try a complimentary 30-minute coaching call and take a "test drive." (847) 971-3643 or email: andrea@hgcoaching.com
