Five Ways to Soothe Yourself - Part 1 - Mindfulness Techniques
September 2009
We live in a fast paced world, multitasking and filling much of our time with work and family obligations. This go-go-go pace can lead to increased cortisol levels, leaving us keyed up and tense. What are you doing to cope with a busy lifestyle? What do you do for comfort, relaxation and to unwind? For many it's food, alcohol, the Internet, candy or smoking that help settle and relax. While these activities are temporary ways to numb the tension or discomfort you may be feeling, they are not the healthiest way to soothe yourself. When overdone these habits can lead to health problems, weight issues and addiction.
In this five-part series we will discover healthy ways to soothe yourself which improve your health, relationships and wake up new passions and interests if you are open to trying some new approaches. Adapted from Susan Alber's book, 50 Ways to Soothe Yourself Without Food, the five self-soothing skills we will cover are: Mindfulness Techniques, Strategies to Change Your Thoughts, Strategies to Calm Your Body, Mindful Distractions and Gaining Support.
Mindfulness Techniques - Being mindful is a way of being. It is awareness of the present moment and slowing down to notice your cravings and triggers in a non-judgmental way. Instead of being on autopilot mindlessly resorting to your coping habit, begin noticing the sensations in your body, the sounds around you and bring awareness to your everyday activities like brushing your teeth or going for a walk. Here are three mindfulness techniques you can practice to stay present and calm yourself into a relaxed state:
1. Meditation - This practice is thousands of years old and is a simple way to calm yourself down and regulate your body's fight or flight response. There are so many kinds of meditation. Mantra meditations help quiet the inner dialogue that adds to stress. Try repeating the sound "om" the Hindi word for the vibration of all living things. The proper pronunciation is a long vowel portion with relatively short 'm': "oooooooom." Notice the vibration on your lips and body as you make the sound. If you don't like this, try another word such as "peace," "I'm ok," "Allow it to be," or "love."
Another approach is guided meditations. Just sit back listen and relax. Find a voice and style you like. I like Sonia Choquette's Guided Meditations CD. The "8 Power Minute Meditation' on iTunes is another good one. iTunes has a many if you search "meditation." Another kind is Loving-Kindness meditations which has shown to strengthen a sense of connection with others and increase positive feelings. Sit quietly and allow your mind to settle and relax. Repeat these statements silently in your mind or out loud if that helps:
May I be at peace with myself.
May I know joy with myself.
May I be relaxed and well.
May I feel love for myself and my body.
May I find peace and calmness within myself, instead of seeking it in food/alcohol/smoking.
First direct these statements toward yourself. The next time, direct your statements to a good friend. i.e. "May my friend Joan be at peace with herself." Then direct them to a neutral acquaintance. Then send them to a difficult person. Finally, send your phrases to the entire planet.
2. Inner Self Talk - The inner critic is that voice inside that second guesses, talks us down, says we're fat, not good enough and generally sees problems, not solutions. This voice is not compassionate. There's nothing like this critical voice, sometimes called the Saboteur, to add another level of stress and have us reaching for something to consume to feel better. The first step to minimize this inner voice is to notice it and become aware of the messages it feeds you. Separate yourself from the inner critic/Saboteur and become aware and notice, "Oh, there it is again." Another playful way to tame this inner critic is to personify it. Give it a name. What does he or she look like? What do they wear? Perhaps you can think of a movie or TV character that embodies this inner critic. Noticing and naming it can help you turn down its volume. A great book on this subject is Taming Your Gremlin by Rick Carson. Finally, begin to challenge these 'stories' and messages when you hear them and ask, "Is it really true?" Practice reframing, where you restate the critical message to a positive one, i.e., "I can't give up smoking/drinking/candy. It will be too hard." to "I can make small changes. Today I will have one less." or "I'm afraid I'll fail." to "I have the courage to take small steps to achieve this." or "You handled that poorly. What's wrong with you?" to "I spoke up, did the best I could. I learned from it." Self-compassion is so important when you are making healthy lifestyle changes and giving up old habits.
3. Breathing Exercises - Mindful breathing draws your attention away from your thoughts or stressful feelings. Even if your mind wanders, stick with it. It takes practice to get the full benefits. Try one of these when you need to soothe yourself:
Dr. Weill's 4-7-8 breath technique, click here. It's quick and easy.
Calming Breath - good for when you turn to food, alcohol, smoking to pacify strong feelings:
1. Start with relaxing your neck and shoulder muscles.
2. Breathe in slowly through your nose, and as you inhale count to three.
3. Pretend you are going to whistle.
4. Breathe out through pursed lips, letting the air out naturally. You don't have to change your breathing or forced the air out of your lungs.
5. Bring to mind the image of blowing bubbles.
6. Repeat. Keep doing pursed-lip breathing until you feel calmer.
Relaxing Breath - good for when you are trying to relax or unwind and tend to use food/alcohol/nicotine
1. Sit, stand, whatever is comfortable and close your eyes.
2. Bend your arms at your elbows. Pull your elbows toward each other behind your back. Stretch your elbows back behind you as far as they will go.
3. Hold for a moment, then let your arms drop by your sides.
4. Inhale deeply.
5. Hold your breath as your count to three. Exhale slowly.
6. Repeat as many times as it takes to feel more relaxed.
Quick, thirty-second relaxer:
1. Take a deep breath through your nose, as you exhale, make the sound "aaaaah.'
2. Repeat 5x.
3. Another 30 second relaxer: As you inhale, in your mind say to yourself, "I am breathing in____." (calm, peace, acceptance, courage, confidence, etc.)
4. As you exhale, in your mind say to yourself, "I am letting go of____." (tension, stress, judgment, control, being right, etc."
5. Repeat 5x.
Food for Thought:
- "Sometimes the most important thing in a whole day is the rest we take between two deep breaths." - Etty Hillesum
- "Why do so many of us not give ourselves permission to be fully alive until we are absolutely assured that we will die? ...If we are not in the present and being conscious, we are not alive; we are merely thinking our lives. Yet we have seen so many die, looking back over their shoulders at their lives, shaking their heads and muttering in bewilderment, "What was that all about?" - Stephen Levine
Contact Andrea to see how coaching can help you develop healthy ways to feel relaxed, calm and more connected to who you really are. See how others have made Coaching work for them. Call to schedule a complimentary 30-minute sample coaching session. (847) 971-3643 or email: andrea@hgcoaching.com
