Let Emotions Flow
November 2009
I was unsure about sending this month's newsletter. Rather than writing about tips and strategies to manage and improve your well-being, I thought I'd take a risk and be a little vulnerable. I want to share what has challenged me lately and hope that it may be useful to you in someway, in that we all share the universal experience of struggling for balance, peace and joy.
On the outside, things are going well. My business is successful. I'm very thankful for this. I love what I do and am energized with those I connect with. It's gratifying and inspiring to help individuals and teams grow. I notice the challenge has been the in-between times of working, accomplishing, parenting and 'doing.' The in-between times of just "being" haven't been as easy. For me, it's often easier to "do", than to "be." However, accomplishments are not the key to happiness. Life still can be unmanageable inside us, amongst all the outward success. The answer for me is digging deeper spiritually and seeking more meaning and purpose, by connecting with Spirit, being with my uncomfortable feelings and enjoying the small stuff - laughing, being in the present moment, making real connections, actively reminding myself of what I'm thankful for and enjoying the good that is right in front of me.
Here's my "inside" stuff that's been a challenge: For years I had this spot on my cheek. Had it checked out once, but nothing came of it. Over the course of 7-8 years it grew and changed and became this 'scar' on my face. I tried many creams on it and nothing worked. I finally asked around for help, got some dermatologist names (when there's a way, there's a will) and got a biopsy. Basil cell carcinoma it was, and surgery was scheduled to take it off. It couldn't be ignored anymore and I had to face it. I thought, "No big deal. I can handle it. I'm tough. I won't be affected by this trivial inconvenience." Can you say denial?
I was not prepared for what it would be like after surgery. I was in shock and angry. I was in tears and afraid. All these feelings came bubbling up. What does this mean? Have my years of anger and resentment manifested in the cancer on my face? I knew I had blocked a lot of pain over the years and maybe those feelings weren't moving through me and got stuck. With a black eye and a big bandage on my face, the feelings came fast: I felt sorry for myself, went into my catastrophic thinking that this was a huge mistake and angry I couldn't control what was happening to me. My anger turned to self-hatred, trying to sooth myself with food, beating myself up with the choices I was making, and outwardly being unpleasant and irritable to those around me. Wow, was I not practicing what I preach. Mindfulness; coming back to the present moment, breathing and changing my thoughts and being kind to myself. Sometimes easier said than done.
Then I started bargaining with myself/God, saying, "OK, now that you've eaten your way through this, if I just pray more, this scar will be healed, I'll stop eating chocolate chip cookies, be at the weight I want and then I'll be happy." What a trap. The bargaining took the form of illusion and control - If only I didn't eat the cookies, maintained a certain weight - then I'd be happy. Or, when I get this project done, then I'll have balance and have time to enjoy life.
Then I moved into depression, spiraling downward in my negativity. This sucks. I'm ugly with this nasty scar. I feel fat because I'm over eating. I'm stressed and overwhelmed by all there is to do. Catastrophic thinking again. Everything is a problem. When I get caught up in this type of thinking, then I put off responsibility for being happy now. Mindfulness is about choosing. Choosing to be happy any time. We don't have to depend on life circumstances.
My experience took the form of Elizabeth Kubler-Ross' Stages of Grief; Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. It is grief that's welling up inside me and I can't explain why. Maybe it's my dysfunctional past. Or, some buried old hurts. I can't make sense of it all now. The good news is that's it's bubbling up and flowing through me. I try to observe it and not let it wreck my day, and bring myself back with a simple mantra: "As I breathe in, my body relaxes. As I breath out, I smile." It's been helping. I'm learning a lot about myself. Next is acceptance. I think I'll try this mantra: "It's going to be okay. I'm going to be okay."
Attune yourself to personal energy
Feel it flow like water,
Jagged stones of firm belief
Smoothed, clearing, nurturing healing.
Follow it faithfully, honestly, spontaneously,
Let it empower and serve.
Emotions are energy, too.
When they flow the most
They hurt the least.
- Susan Ratrey
What are you face-to-face with? What's bubbling up inside you? How is the discomfort manifesting itself? Are you embracing it or blocking it with work, food, alcohol, smoking, criticism or judgment? Or, are you letting it flow through you? I'd love to hear about your experience.
Contact Andrea to see how coaching can help you see you have choices, that a willingness to be with your discomfort provides a gift and can be transformed into living a more authentic and purposeful life. See how others have made Coaching work for them. Call to schedule a complimentary 30-minute sample coaching session. (847) 971-3643 or email: andrea@hgcoaching.com
