Ladies, Here are 5 Ways to Light Up other Women

5 examples of how to wake up and light up other women! From Shelia Kelley, owner S Factor. Sheila said:

Oh, and this week I woke the S up in five, count ’em five women:

To woman #1 who gave me a stern look from across the aisle at Toys R Us, I said, “My, you have such a lovely mouth!” And she smiled, wide and surprised.

To woman #2, who was standing erectly and stiffly in front of me in line somewhere else, I tapped her gently and lovingly on the shoulder and said, “Gosh, I love how beautiful your jacket is.” And she melted.

When woman #3 walked up to my front door to talk to me about her religious beliefs, she wore a mask so hard I actually thought she had a mask on, so I said, “Your cheeks are so rosy against your very pale skin.” And her face moved and relaxed.

To girls #4 & #5 who were standing at a crosswalk talking about another woman, calling her a “whore this” and a “whore that,” I said, “Have you ever been to S Factor?” And I handed them two half-off Intro cards. They both squealed with delight.

How are you softening and turning on other women today?

8 Core Pleasures

How important do you make pleasure in life? Are you nourishing yourself each day? Are you waking up each day full of self-love and love to give others? My wish for you is to cultivate your well-being practice so you have vibrant energy, peace of mind, confidence and loving appreciation for yourself and Higher Self. In this article, we’ll look at how incorporating pleasure in our wellness practice is an act of self-love and exquisite self-care.

When I mention pleasure to people, many raise their eyebrows. look. As if it’s naughty or frivolous.I used to be one of them, but now I see it differently. Valuing hard work, completing our to-do’s and being “on-the-go” is worthy and productive, yet often leaves us worn out because we ignore our own self-care needs.

In Stella Resnick’s book, The Pleasure Zone – Why We Resist Good Feelings & How to Let Go and Be Happy, she advocates incorporating pleasure by linking optimism, physical health, emotional fulfillment, gratifying sex and positive aging to eight core pleasures:

• Primal Pleasure- Letting go and just being
• Pleasure of Pain Relief – Being soothed and comforted
• Pleasure of Play – Humor, movement and vocalization
• Mental Pleasure – Intellectual and aesthetic stimulation
• Emotional Pleasure – Including love, gratitude, courage and faith
• Sensual Pleasure – Taking delight in hearing, seeing, tasting, smelling, touching and imagining
• Sexual Pleasure – A spectrum of arousal that ranges from interest, to desire, erotic love, lust, passion, orgasm and ecstasy
• Spiritual Pleasure – A deep sense of being a part of something good that is larger than oneself

When we reclaim the pleasure we have cut ourselves off from, we develop healthier habits to comfort ourselves and thrive.

When I observe people turning to food and alcohol as their primary sources of pleasure and as a habitual way to soothe themselves, I know they are in a pleasure deficit. Relying on food to feel better or drinking daily to relax, often leads one to weight gain and zaps any motivation to choose other forms of pleasure for nourishment.

Here are 10 ways to CHOOSE pleasure as part of your wellness routine. Try this: instead of going for one of your habits, such as food, candy, soda, alcohol or smoking, choose one of these pleasures instead. Pick one and practice daily for a week:

• Music – Turn off the news and turn on the tunes. Music is an emotional and sensual pleasure we can give ourselves by listening to what makes us dance, move, sing and feel our emotions.
• Bathtub – If you are normally a shower person, take a bath instead. Notice the primal, physical and sensual pleasure you receive in the warm water, slowing down your nervous system, relaxing your muscles and mind.
• 1 Minute Mediation – Insert these mental breaks throughout your day. Close your eyes and breathe in through your nose for a count of four. Hold it one second, then exhale for a count of eight. Do this ten times.
• Walk – Go a for a nature walk outside, with no agenda – not to get somewhere or to get exercise. A primal and spiritual pleasure, walking in nature is a great healer and sparks creative ideas. It grounds you and reminds you of your purpose.
• Play a Game – Play a game of smiling or winking at all those you encounter one day and see what you awaken. Allow fun. Be childlike and silly. Pleasure yourself through play so you are smiling and laughing and you create more emotional fulfillment.
• Choose Right Nutrition – More greens, lean proteins, nuts and low sugar fruits can create physical pleasure when you experience the energy boosting effects.
• Eat Slowly – Chew your food slowly (42x each bite), savor the flavors and pay attention to which foods feel nurturing. This becomes a sensual pleasure with how slow you eat and the attention you give to each bite. Try dipping strawberries into dark chocolate and eating them SO slowly in front of someone you love, and watch what happens.
• Ladies – Hip Circles. Yes, I said hip circles. This is a primal, sensual, play and emotional pleasure. There’s nothing like dropping us out of our head and into our bodies. Turn on some music to get into it. Or no music. Go into a bathroom stall, close your eyes and move slowly and activate your sensual energy and reconnect to your authentic feminine nature.
• S Factor or Burlesque – Again for the ladies, take a sensual S Factor or burlesque class to explore your sensual and sexual self. This primal pleasure of movement and play is invigorating.
• Reconnect with your Sexual Nature – My husband and I are off to a Sacred Sexuality workshop next week. More on this later. I can recommend these books to inspire you to reclaim your sexual energy and mastery: Intimate Communion, Shameless, Mating in Captivity, The Seductress-Women Who Ravished the World, Tantra-The Art of Conscious Loving, Sex Secrets of Escorts, Enlightened Sex-Sexual Skills for the Superior Lover.

Let us know what you chose this week and the impact it had, by posting a comment below.

Starting to Judge or Complain? Digest Instead!

If you notice yourself getting into a negative mindset….i.e., when you are tired, irritated, start to complain, get crabby or notice all that’s wrong around you. These are your signs to start digesting instead!

I heard the word digestion in a new way at the Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts. Mama Gena uses “digestion” to remind us to take in what just happened and find the kernels of gold in it. We live in a culture of assessing and identifying problems, and we can easily miss all that’s right in the world. Take stock, and ask, “What’s good about what just happened?” It’s easy to be miserable and takes practice to change your awareness and create a life of contentment. When people get cranky and they don’t know why, Mama Gena likes to say, “Undigested good turns to shit.” You’ve temporarily forgotten all that you have to be thankful for.

Let me give you an example of how I turned myself around and digested instead. I was in New Orleans this weekend to visit my stepdaughter, Joey, and stayed at her apartment. She made lots of plans for my son, Taylor, and me. We went for long walks with her dog Lucy, had brunch, went to the Aquarium, the Insectarium, an IMax movie, watched a parade, went to dinner – and this was all in one day! By the end of the day, we are all pooped. We ended up at a restaurant that was ridiculously expensive.  Her apartment is old, we are sharing a small bed, people are noisy outside when it’s time to go to sleep. Get where I’m going here? Yes, downhill, to miserable land.

Here’s how to transform miserable to magnificent:

• Start “digesting” the good that happened that day
• Use gratitude to pull out the kernels of gold in that circumstance
• It’s just a matter of finding what’s right instead of what’s wrong. You can do it…find the gold!

Here’s how I digested my day and turned my attitude around:

• I’m grateful I could come to New Orleans
• I’m grateful I could pay for that fancy dinner
• I’m grateful for her interesting friend Fraiser that came to dinner
• I’m grateful Taylor had such a good disposition after being on the go all day
• I’m grateful for all the fun activities she planned- bike tour, zoo, parade, aquarium, insectarium
• I’m grateful for the high ceilings in her apt
• I’m grateful Joey bought a coffee pot and blender for my visit
• I’m grateful we had a down comforter
• I’m grateful there was room in her apartment for all three of us to stay
• I’m grateful there’s a hallway outside her apartment where I could move the stinky compost so kitchen smelled better
• I liked the high ceilings in the apartment
• I’m grateful the weather was sunny and warm
• I’m grateful for Joey’s positive attitude
• I’m grateful I know to stretch when my back gets tired and starts to hurt

Remember, get right with what is, and use gratitude as a tool to digest! Click here to leave a comment!