Healthy Ways to Meet our Needs and Reduce Stress

As a coach, I often get asked to help people be more productive at work, have better work/life balance and be more successful and inspired in their lives.  I start by helping them build a solid foundation in their own well-being by establishing healthy lifestyle habits, reducing stress, eliminating bad habits and ultimately, leading them to more satisfaction and fulfillment in their lives.  The most common habits people want help changing are unhealthy eating (often emotionally driven), excessive drinking, not exercising consistently, tolerating unfulfilling relationships and self-criticism.  Often, when we are stressed we turn to not-so-healthy ways of soothing ourselves.  Whether it’s eating when we’re not hungry, drinking at night in order to relax, eating junk food for the temporary “feel good,” self-criticism or some other unhealthy pattern – each takes its toll on our body and mindset if it becomes a habit of coping with stress.

It’s helpful to recognize that these unwanted behaviors are often strategies to meet an underlying need.  For example, if we are eating when we are not hungry, it may be because have a need for stimulation, comfort, to be soothed & calmed or wanting to be filled or feel full (a need to be FULL-FILL-ED).  Another example, is using alcohol to unwind, have fun, relax, or soothe yourself after a busy day.  If we can identify our underlying needs and have a handful of strategies in our ‘toolbox,’ we can create new, healthy habits and relationships that sustain us and bring us back in balance.  Not sure what your need is? We have many!  Check out Bob Tschannen-Moran’s Wheel of Needs.

As I sit here munching on almonds, although not hungry, I’m meeting my need for stimulation while I write.  When I’m unsettled in the evening, I often soothe myself with dark chocolate.  But really what I want is stimulation & creativity with the nuts and connection & sweetness with the chocolate.  When I overdo it with either, I get mad at myself for eating too much.  Self-criticism and second-guessing are their own form of stress.  I try to give myself a break, learn from it, knowing I’m doing the best I can in the moment.  I reset the next day and plan strategies that will meet my needs in healthier ways.  So, I share with you what I most need to learn myself!

Try these strategies to reduce stress, establish healthy habits and meet your underlying needs consciously!

Identify Your Feelings – Are you in touch with your feelings?  Sometimes it’s hard to identify how we feel.  Often we’d rather not feel and cope with unhealthy habits. Here are some common feelings when our needs are not being met (scroll to page 3).

Speak Up – Expressing our feelings gets them out, instead of repressing them with unhealthy coping habits.  Sometimes that means saying a hard truth to someone, which you may have been avoiding.  Here’s a communication model (NVC) you can use that avoids blaming:

“When I observe: _________,”
“I feel: ____________.”
“Because I have a need for:_________.”
If you have a request… “So, would you be willing to: __________?”

Pause Before You Reach for Your Old Coping Habit – Ask yourself what is the need I have here? To relax, to speak up, to feel comforted, to be connected, to feel sweetness, to have a good time, to stimulate ideas?  Then ask, “How else could I meet this need?”

Pick One Goal and Practice, Practice, Practice – Have one goal each day you will work on for 30 days.  i.e., Today, instead of eating chocolate, I will____.  Today, I will have a cup of tea instead of a cup of nuts. Today, I will go for a walk with a friend instead of have a drink.  Tomorrow, I will get up 30 minutes earlier and make my lunch/workout.  Today, I will take 5 deep breaths before I grab a ______. Today, if I’m not hungry, but want to eat, I will journal how I feel instead of eating.  Today, I will exercise before I check my email.  Today, I will share three appreciations will my spouse/colleague/child.

Create A Food Journal – Tracking your food intake each day is a great way to bring awareness to mindless eating.  Doing it with a friend, coach or support group creates the accountability to keep you honest with yourself.

Use a Calorie Counter -  This is a great wake up call to realize how many calories you consume each day.  This site shows how many calories you actually need each day based on your weight, height and activity levels.

Eat Without Reading, Watching TV or Using the Computer – We are much likely to overeat if we are multitasking while we eat.  Notice what you are eating and enjoy it!

Plan Social Activities that Don’t Involve Eating or Drinking – If you know of situations that trigger you to make unhealthy choices or over-do it, then plan other activities such as bowling, going for a walk, taking a class, seeing a play or concert or going dancing!  Stimulate yourself with something new to uncover new interests & passions.

Reduce Your Consumption – If you are in the habit of eating or drinking too much and it leaves you sluggish or down on yourself, make a 30-day goal of reducing your intake by a specific amount each day.  This is a way to slowly wean yourself off unhealthy habits.  And get support!  Read about addiction. Try a support group, counselor or coach.

Try EFT – This natural healing method has helped thousands of people conquer addictions, improve self-esteem, manage pain, release old traumas, relieve pain/anxiety, sleep better and eliminate smoking and sweet cravings. Check out www.emofree.com to learn more.  Here’s the how-to steps of EFT.

Fill Your Toolbox with a variety of Healthy Strategies to Meet Your Needs:
Have a plan and know what strategies you’ll practice when your stress triggers arise.  Here is a myriad of ideas others use to stay calm and healthy:

• Take a bath, have a cup of tea, go for a walk, stretch, take 5 deep breaths, turn on music, call a friend, watch a recorded TV show
• Go to a personal growth workshop, hire a coach, create a vision board, help others in need, create your mission statement
• Ask for a hug, give a hug, acknowledge & appreciate someone, play with your child, play with your pet, play with your significant other
• Take an art class/climbing class/exercise class/any class of interest to you!
• Learn a new language, take a lesson for a new sport, learn to dance!
• Call a friend for lunch, plan a trip, schedule exercise with a friend
• Journal, listen to inspiring audio CD’s, read an engaging book, meditate

Food for Thought:

• Thomas Leonard, one of the founders of coaching, said “Life will give you messages.  If you ignore them you will be handed a lesson.  When you neglect to learn the lesson you’ll be served a problem.  If you don’t deal with the problem, you can expect to have a full blown crisis.”
• Take care of your self!  Listen to your body and trust your intuition.  What’s the ‘current message’ your are getting from your situation, or your body?  What is it trying to tell you?  Take action and do what’s necessary to make your well-being a priority!

Contact Andrea to see how coaching is a great tool to help you identify your needs and develop healthy strategies to be successful and inspired. See how others have made Wellness Coaching work for them.  Try a complimentary 30-minute coaching call and take a “test drive.”  (847) 971-3643 or email: andrea@hgcoaching.com