Five Ways to Soothe Yourself – Part 2 – Strategies to Change Your Thoughts
Our five-part series on soothing yourself will help you find healthy coping strategies to meet your needs rather than emotional eating, alcohol, sweets and smoking. I encourage you to pick one or two of the strategies described each month and practice! Last month we talked about mindfulness exercises like meditation, inner self-talk and breathing exercises.
This month we are focusing on how we can change habits by examining the mental link between food/alcohol/smoking and comfort. We all get triggered, reactive and stressed at times. How are you responding? Do you resort to unhealthy habits to de-stress, comfort yourself or to relax? If so, changing your thinking habits will retrain your brain to self soothe. When you become aware of your patterns in stressful situations you have a choice to practice healthier responses. Here are some strategies to try:
Know ‘Your Stories’ – Become aware of your habitual thinking that hinders your ability to move forward. “Stories” such as “I don’t have time” – “I’m crazy busy” – “I can’t afford it” – “Everyone in my family does it” – “It will be hard to change” – “No one will help me” – “I’m not strong enough” are often stories we tell ourself in order to not have to change. Begin by noticing the stories. When you hear them, tell yourself, “Oh, there’s one of my stories again.” Once you begin to recognize them, you can start to question them, “Is that really true?” and ask “What else is possible here?” and begin to reframe your thinking and write a new story.
Reframe - Instead of focusing on a problem, reframe the issue to a new perspective. You can use metaphors to help you with this, such as ‘What would Gandhi say in this situation?” – “What would this look like from a 30,000 foot view?” – “What would Steve Martin say here?” This approach can help you get unstuck from only seeing things one way. When changing lifestyle habits we are quick to notice our failures or missteps on our goals and condemn ourselves for falling back on old habits. Reframe setbacks to eliminate guilt, despair or self-hate: “This is a learning experience. I will do it differently next time.” “This could be a lot worse. I have it better than some others do.” “Tomorrow is a new day; I can reset and start fresh.” – “I’m making progress and small steps will get me there.” “Stressing out is a waste of time. When I am patient and calm, things work out.”
Journaling – Writing is a great way to get your feelings out and boost your mental immunity to stress. Unexamined feelings are like an undertow in the ocean, pulling you in directions you may not want to go. Taking feelings trapped inside you and describing them helps you see things from another perspective. In fact, here’s how I used journaling to express my frustration about a burglary at our house last week. The feelings kept swirling inside me, and it felt good to get them out. Use journaling to be mindful of what drives you to overeat, drink, smoke, etc. for comfort. What habits numb you and cause you to avoid analyzing your feelings? You’ll be more conscious of what’s driving you, and you can have a plan for the next time when you are triggered and have the urge to stress eat, smoke or drink to unwind. Keep a journal and pen by your bedside to encourage the habit. Consider writing at the same time each day, either upon waking or before you go to sleep. Even a few short sentences can be a stress-releaser.
Ha-Ha Moments - There’s nothing like laughter to redirect your focus from feeling bad, elevate your mood and decrease stress. If you get into a negative state of mind, are obsessing about a particular problem and hear yourself complaining or criticizing, look to humor to shift your thinking. Ask yourself, “What about this situation might cause me to laugh five years from now?” – “Is there a Larry David moment here?” – “How could this be a Saturday Night Live skit?” Try Laughing Yoga founded by Dr. Madan Katari to undo negativity and reduce stress. This practice has spread worldwide and is a type of humor therapy to change the sensations in the body to help you relax and feel pleasure. Repeat these laughter sounds out loud in a jolly Santa Clause manner, with enthusiasm: “Ho ho. Ha ha ha.” Repeat several times while adding energy by softening your knees and lightly bouncing up and down. Do it face-to-face with a friend and see what happens. p.s. Play-acting your way through it will help you arrive at true laughter. Check out this video of Laughing Yoga with John Cleese.
Food for Thought:
- “Stand up to your obstacles and do something about them. You will find that they haven’t half the strength you think they have.” – Norman Vincent Peale
- “Change your language and you change your thoughts.” – Karl Albrecht
- “He who laughs most, learns best.” – John Cleese
Contact Andrea to see how coaching can help you develop healthy ways to soothe yourself, manage your mindset and find more pleasure in your life. See how others have made Coaching work for them. Call to schedule a complimentary 30-minute sample coaching session. (847) 971-3643 or email: andrea@hgcoaching.com
