Six Keys to Team Success

have the privilege of leading corporate wellness and team building workshops. I’m always touched by the growth of each individual; professionally, showing more productivity and leadership, and personally, by taking control of choices and significantly improving well-being.  It’s inspiring!  Through team building and individual coaching, we truly get to know each other, become connected and face our work and personal challenges together. Together we grow.

Whether your “team” is family or colleagues, here are some principles I’ve seen that help a team thrive:

Transform Negativity – Negativity, pointing fingers, complaining, contempt, stonewalling or blaming all suck energy from a group.  Decide now: no more negativity.  If you need to vent, set a timer and give yourself five minutes to let it rip to a trusted friend or to yourself in the car or to a mirror. When the timer is up, that’s it. You must retrain the brain not to habitually go negative when things get hard. Even if you get angry about something, ask, “What’s my part here?” How am I in attack mode?” (i.e., defending, feeling disdain, attacking thoughts).  Allow the situation to transform by recognizing it’s here for a reason.  Even if you’re angry, get determined to see this situation differently and tell yourself, “Even though I’m angry now, I’m willing to see this differently.”  Your good intentions are not enough, your willingness is everything.

Respond vs. React – When you feel stressed and tension rises, what do you do?  Are you the one who stays calm or “catastrophizes” and raises your voice?  Use the STOP tool to maintain your cool.
Step back – Pause and take a deep breathe.
Think – Think about your situation.  During your reflection, be clear what you want to avoid and consider your options to deal with the stressors.
Organize your thoughts – Organize these reflections into a strategy.  How will I choose
to respond?
Proceed – Proceed to handle the challenging situation on your own terms rather than reacting at the other person’s level.  Keep your motives in check my asking yourself, “Is what I’m about to say going to contribute to or further contaminate the situation?  Do I want to be right or be kind?”

Focus on the Positive – This isn’t about the power of positive thinking, it’s about finding the positive things we can build on.  Identify and give voice to what the team is doing well.  When you celebrate the best, you bring out the best.  Articulate your team’s strengths. Instead of fixing what’s wrong, build on what’s right.

Follow a Purposeful Agenda – Whether it’s weekly staff meetings or weekly family meetings, have an agenda so every person knows what to expect and can come prepared.  Take the time if you haven’t already to develop your group’s mission statement; Why are we here, how will be “Be” in the world and what will we Do? Check out Lance’s Secretan’s Why-Be-Do Inspire workbook to help develop a mission statement and a road map for your team or family.  Set the intention and tone of your meeting each week by beginning with your purpose statement.  Make sure your agenda reflects your purpose.  Where are we headed? What are our goals this week?  Naming a facilitator for the meeting will help you stay on track, stick to the agenda, keep it moving along and end it on time.

Active Listening/Empathy – Sometimes we ‘hear’ someone, but really, we’re just waiting to give our response/counterpoint and often miss their point. We all seek to be heard and understood. Give your full attention to the person speaking, no multitasking.  After they’ve spoken, take a minute to paraphrase what you heard them say, “What I think I hear you saying is….”  “Did i get that right?” “Is there anything else?”  This active listening is a gift to the other person by allowing them to feel understood and builds more connection.  In some cases, a person has a need to vent, over explain, etc.  Rather than waiting for them to finish and responding with your counterpoint, find a pause and kindly say, “You’ve said so much, let me see if I’ve got it so far.” When people don’t stop talking it’s because they don’t feel heard. They keep talking in hopes of being understood.  When you ask for that pause, and paraphrase, you are acknowledging you understand their viewpoint. You may not agree but you can acknowledge you understand what they are saying. You’ve now created an opening to respond without attack or defense and are respectfully building mutuality and balancing talking and listening.

Realize You’re Never Upset for the Reasons You Think – When we are in conflict with a member of our ‘team,’ it’s easy to point the finger and say, “They are the problem. If only they’d act differently, things would be fine.”  It’s never just one person; it’s the whole system that’s problematic. So, begin the analysis with yourself.  “What am I feeling right now?” It could be anger, frustration, impatience, judgment, etc.  Turn your lens inward and ask, “What does this remind me of?” It could be something an old boss used to do, or a way in which your caretakers treated you when you were young, making you feel small, wrong or stupid.  Try to identify the old experience of which this reminds you.

Repetition happens in our life as way for the universe to give us scenarios from which we can grow and release our unconscious patterns. Some of the common emotional patterns we find ourselves repeating include; control, victimhood, rescuing, not being heard/acknowledged/appreciated, being nice to avoid conflict, defending/attacking in order to not be stepped on, obsessive worry and not speaking up.  When you notice a familiar pattern keeps repeating itself and you get reactive, acknowledge it by saying, “Oh, there I go again.” Take a deep breath.  Ask, “What am I feeling? What does this remind me of?” If you can recall what’s familiar from the past, give yourself a moment to be with the memory.  Then, come back to the present and acknowledge you are in the here-and-now and have a choice of how to respond. Grow yourself back up. What will you choose? Now, you are in a more calm and mature position to respond.  To read more about this concept on repetition, check out psychologist, Doris Cohen’s book
called Repetition.

Check out Second City’s short video clip on successful team dynamics!

Food for Thought:

• “Anger….hurts the one who is possessed by it more than the one against whom it is directed.”  – Claredon
• “Teamwork represents a set of values that encourage behaviors such as listening and constructively responding to points of view expressed by others, giving others the benefit of the doubt, providing support to those who need it and recognizing the interests and achievements of others.”  – Katzenbach & Smith

Contact Andrea to see how coaching can help you feel more abundance with time, be more productive and help you feel more satisfied and content. See how others have made Wellness Coaching work for them. Try a complimentary 30-minute coaching call and take a “test drive.” 847-971-3643 / andrea@hgcoaching.com