What Does It Take to Change?

I have the pleasure of assisting individuals, executives and groups who want to thrive, feel fulfilled, be successful and are ready to take action to support their vision. It’s SO fun to be part of this work. And it is work. It’s easy to complain, feel sorry for ourselves or make excuses. You must be deliberate to have a fabulous life full of joy, contentment and well-being.

I took some deliberate steps myself last weekend and attended an amazing seminar for women called Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts. It’s all about getting connected with our innate strengths, wisdom, desires and joy. Who doesn’t want that?! I resonated with the idea that having more fun in my life, with my marriage, my kids and playing a bigger game is possible – and wanted to jump-start myself into living it more fully.

What Does it Take to Change?
Awareness, acceptance, looking at our assumptions, naming our desires, taking action, having accountability and getting support.

Awareness – We have to become aware that something isn’t working. You can’t change what you don’t see. Awareness comes in the form of anxiety, frustration, lack of satisfaction in a relationship, illness, a dysfunction in a relationship, fear-based thinking, depression or an overweight body. For me, I noticed that I was complaining a lot and being overly critical of myself and others – finding problems in most circumstances, rather than seeing the good. I was getting too serious by seeing everything as a ‘task’ to check off my list. Where is the fun in that? With my 11yr old son, nagging is not a successful long-term strategy. Thinking my marriage had settled into mundaneness was not feeling so good. I was getting frustrated with my own unhappiness in a life that was pretty darn good. I knew the changes needed to come from within.

Acceptance – Once you realize what needs changing in yourself, the first step is to accept it. You might not like the 50 lbs. you’ve gained, the fact a friend has mirrored how selfish or controlling you, having kids that scream at you, being in an unfulfilling marriage or an absence of a love relationship. When you can accept it and no longer deny or ignore it, you can then embrace a willingness to change. Even though I’m a coach and inspire people for a living, I had to accept that I’m not always a star example and struggle with fully practicing all that I teach. Tell yourself, “I accept myself and I am willing to change and do something about this.”

Assumptions – When it comes to making a change, we sometimes get stuck if we believe everything we’ve been handed down from our family, society, cultural conditioning, etc. For example, what are your assumptions/beliefs about what it means to be: a woman, a provider, a parent, a spouse/partner, a full-time employee, a friend etc.? We each have unique beliefs/assumptions around each of these roles. If I look at my role as a mother/working mom/spouse, here are some of my assumptions:
- I have to do all the house chores: laundry, bills, cleaning, childcare, petcare
- I have to put my kids, family and house chores first, before I tend to my work life
- I can’t go on trips because I have to stay here to ‘hold down the fort’
- I have to meet others’ needs, before I tend to mine
- I have to finish my work, before there’s any fun or relaxation
- I can spend $ on my family’s needs but not on things that would give me pleasure
- My spouse gets first dibs on evening activities; I get to go out only when he is home

Do you see how the beliefs we hold could keep up from seeing that there could be a next step towards change? And how these beliefs become mantras we repetitively ‘feed’ our mind. Ask yourself, “Which of my assumptions are no longer serving me?”

Another way to question the assumption is, “Is that really true? Do I know that this is absolutely true?” Byron Katie’s four questions of The Work process is a great tool for turning around our limiting beliefs that keep us stuck. Examine your assumptions and let go of the ones no longer serving you. One I let go of was, “My spouse gets to be out in the world, but I can’t because I have to take care of our son.” I let that one go and signed up for a series of life changing workshops out of town!

Next month, we will continue with the remaining steps to change:
- Naming your Desires
- Action
- Accountability and Getting Support

Meanwhile, here are some next steps you can take now:
1. What areas in your life do you feel stuck or want more action? Write them all down.
2. Next to each item you listed – describe how that makes you feel.
3. Write down what you must accept/acknowledge that is true about each of these
situations (this could just be how you feel about it and that you are willing to make a change)
4. Now list the assumptions/beliefs you have around each area you want to change.
5. Question the assumptions you have and ask yourself if there are any you’d like to change.

I’d love to hear what you wrote, so please feel free to share with me! When you identify what’s important and why, then take the important step of sharing it with another (more on this next month), you jump-start your desires into motion!

Reading Material:

Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts – A must read for all women seeking more pleasure and aliveness.
The Game of Life for Women – Written in the 1920′s by Florence Shinn, about harnessing the power of the mind to get results. This author was ahead of her time! Gentlemen, here’s a great book for you: Excuses Begone

Food for Thought:

• “The best way to change another person is to change yourself.”  – Wally Amos
• “The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”  – Lao Tsu
• “In the power to change yourself is the power to change the world around you.”  -Anwar Sadat

Contact Andrea to see how coaching can help you feel more abundance with time, be more productive and help you feel more satisfied and content. See how others have made Wellness Coaching work for them. Try a complimentary 30-minute coaching call and take a “test drive.” 847-971-3643 / andrea@hgcoaching.com