Upgrading Your Relationships

In coaching my clients, the topic of relationship often comes up, whether it’s finding a mate, enhancing an existing relationship or having more like-minded friends. In order to “have it,” you have to “be it” first. This means if you want to attract a new mate you need to be a vibration to which others are attracted. If you want a better relationship with your spouse, child or boss, you have to upgrade your energy for the relationship to improve. If you want a circle of friends who are uplifting and supportive, you need to be an uplifting and supportive friend. You attract the people who match your energy. This all may sound easier said that done, but if you’ve been following these newsletters, you know I’m a big fan of taking small steps, consistently, for lasting change. No major overhauls, just little tweaks with yourself and in your relationships that upgrade your life! As always, start with yourself first so you feel more positive and energized, which will attract new and satisfying relationships. Check out these tips:

Cultivate Enthusiasm- How you do you start your day? Are you rushed and fly out the door? Or dread getting out of bed? Try these mindset adjustments to cultivate enthusiasm, wake up feeling inspired and realize new friendships:

• Morning Ritual – While still in bed, before you open your eyes, starting saying in your mind what you are grateful for. Start with the comfortable pillow, the cozy bed, the birds singing outside, your health, your family, new friends you are meeting, the easy and supportive relationships you are in. Think of as many things as you can. Then open your eyes and name three desires for your day. You set yourself up to begin from a place of possibility and inspiration.
• Nighttime Ritual – At night, before you close your eyes to go to sleep, name three things you are grateful for and three things that went well today.  Notice over time how this practice puts you in a more positive and creative state of mind.
• Imagination Activation – Instead of “working on it,” “struggling to have” or “wishing,” begin imagining a life full of loving relationships and new friends. Close your eyes and imagine how it feels to have fulfilling friendships. How do you feel? What do you enjoy about it? What do you experience? Practice completing these sentences, “I am enjoying…..” e.g. “…connecting lovingly with my mate.” “I am loving….” e.g. “…the many invitations I receive from friends.” “I have…” e.g. “ease and fun in my relationships.” Add to your calendar each week, an “appointment” to have lunch/dinner with a friend/spouse/partner/child/boss. If it’s on your calendar and you imagine it happening, you will be inspired to reach out with an invitation. The key to realizing your goals is to imagine them from a place of already being fulfilled. Then the “how” becomes effortless and natural.
• Playful Mantras – Check out last month’s article where I wrote about playful mantras. You could do this here too: “I have a wonderful relationship, in wonderful way and I am adored and loved every day!”

Take Care of You First – Are you prioritizing your well-being? When we let the demands of work, family or school fill all our waking hours, we get drained and have little energy left to upgrade our relationships. We often just want to veg-out in front of the computer or TV at the end of the day. Having little energy for our relationships affects our confidence and desire to reach out to people. Start with these four basics for upping your energy and upgrading your desire for something new:

• Eat “Clean” – I say this all the time, and are you doing it?! Stick with vegetables, fruits, nuts, avocados, lean proteins, fish and eggs. Shop on the outside aisles of the grocery store and eliminate most foods that come in a bag or box.  Your energy will skyrocket (and your weight will likely drop too). Make sure you pack snacks of cut up veggies, fruits and nuts before you leave the house and eat a meal or snack every three hours. Always start your day with a protein breakfast such as an omelet with spinach, chicken sausage and a veggie or peanut butter on whole wheat or sprouted bread.  This is eating for energy!
• Exercise 30 Minutes a Day – Make time in your schedule even if it means getting up 30 minutes earlier to move your body aerobically. Build up a sweat! This is the time of day over which you have the most control and studies have shown that people who exercise first thing in the morning are more productive, purposeful and satisfied throughout the day.
• Sleep – Get 7-8 hours of sleep every night. If you are fatigued from not enough rest, you reach for sugar or caffeine for energy. A lack of sleep also throws off our hormonal balance creating more stress and fatigue.
• Water – Each day we need one quart of water for every 50lbs of body weight.  Low energy, acne, wrinkles, fatigue, bad breath, headaches all can be signs of dehydration. The thirst reflex does not become active until the body has already reached a state of dehydration, so have a water bottle with you at all times and aim for at least three quarts of water per day.

When you feel energized and strong from taking care of your self, your self-confidence increases. You will naturally want to reach out to others and people will want to be around you!

Talk to Five New People Every Day – In the interest of making new connections, every day, make a point to talk to five new people. It could be on the train, at the grocery store, at a bookstore, while you are waiting for the street light to change. “What do I say?” you ask. Here are five different approaches you can take:

• Give a compliment – “You look great in that dress.” “That tie matches your piercing blue eyes.” “You spoke very clearly and communicated to us so well.” You will put a smile on someone’s face and make a connection.
• Ask a curious question – “What do you think about…..?” e.g., the oil spill, the ad on that sign over there, the dog rescue in the news, the new mayor, how we could use less electricity. Pick anything you are curious about. Stay with open ended questions that begin with “how” or “what,” and you will truly get to know them.
• Get curious about the work they do – “What’s it like to work at …..?” “What do you like about working here?”
• Ask for a referral.  “I’ve been wanting to take a class in…..or learn more about…. Can you recommend a place to go? Or do you know anyone who could refer me?” People love to share their favorite places.
• Be spontaneous and ask, “What’s the best thing that’s happened to you today?” Then share something about your day too!

Before you part, be sure to introduce yourself and ask for their name. You can do it! A little curiosity goes a long way. No agenda – just get curious. You’ll be surprised with the new connections you make.

Try Something New - Step out of your routine and take a class that sounds interesting to you. When you give yourself a change to have a new experience, you create the opportunity for a shift in attitude and feelings. This can be just the breakthrough you need to see the world with different eyes. Sign up for a dance class, join a gym, join a mediation group, take a gardening class, join a biking, swimming or running group, take an art class, take a Nia or Zumba class, take a “behind the scenes” tour of theater sets, go to an art fair, volunteer on weekends at an animal shelter or children’s hospital. You never know what shift will happen inside you, or where you will find your next new friend. By putting yourself in new circumstances, often, (and practicing connecting with new people each day) you will connect to like-minded peeps.

You are that magnetic, inspired and fun-loving person others want to be with! That is the real you, so do what it takes to make it so.

Food for Thought:

• “Maturity includes the recognition that no one is going to see anything in us that we don’t see in ourselves. Stop waiting for a producer. Produce yourself.”

• “As we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence actually liberates others.” – Marianne Williamson

Contact Andrea to see how coaching is a great tool to help you thrive and be a magnet for the relationships you imagine. If you work at a company, Higher Ground’s Team Building Wellness Workshops inspire groups to create a healthy, satisfying and more productive work life. See how others have made Coaching work for them. Call to schedule a complimentary, 30-minute sample coaching session or discuss a 6-week group workshop. (847) 971-3643 or email: andrea@hgcoaching.com